Irffan points out that it is a time-honored tradition at Harvard to go around the world, selling Harvard's Elixir of Excelllence and Integrity. Picture above shows the Advertisement for the New Harvard Rajasthan campus, which will be conducting courses on Historically Accurate Sandology For Camel Owners.

IRFFAN is delighted to present the contrast:

a) How low-class outfits behave:

“Radio Host Fired for Using Racial Epithet
By CHERYL WITTENAUER
ST. LOUIS (AP) – A St. Louis radio station quickly fired a talk show host for uttering a racial epithet as he talked about Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice on his morning show Wednesday.

Dave Lenihan apologized on the air immediately after making what he said was a slip of the tongue. KTRS president and general manager Tim Dorsey agreed the remark was accidental but said it was nonetheless “unacceptable, reprehensible and unforgivable.”..

“She’s been chancellor of Stanford,” Lenihan said on the air. “She’s got the patent resume of somebody that has serious skill. She loves football. She’s African-American, which would kind of be a big coon. A big coon. Oh my God. I am totally, totally, totally, totally, totally sorry for that.”

He said he had meant to say “coup” instead of the racial slur.
.. Twenty minutes after the utterance, Dorsey went on the air to apologize to Rice and KTRS listeners. “There can be no excuse for what was said,” Dorsey said. “Dave Lenihan has been let go. … There is enough hate. We certainly are not going to fan those flames.”

(And we don’t want to compete with Harvard, which has the market cornered..)
..
Reached at home, Lenihan said he was still trying to figure out what happened and was drafting a letter of apology to Rice. He said he never uses the slur he uttered and thinks Rice is “a fantastic woman.”

Lenihan, formerly a drive-time host at WGNU radio in St. Louis, had been at KTRS for less than two weeks…. “Ratings were going well. It kind of stinks.”
**************************************************

b) Compare that to how Harvard handles matters:
Professor Michael Witzel called Indian-American Hindus: “HIINAs”, commended the creation of crematoria for them, and has joined “FOSA” which includes Harvard alumna Ayesha Jalal, who has argued in writing for terrorist strikes inside India to kill Indians.

See http://www.petitiononline.com/stopIER/

IER Lat*in* Scholar Joannna Kirk praised Harvard for its encouragement of Prof. Witzel. See earlier post on IRFFAN reporting this – IRFFAN is always ahead of the curve.

President Summers could not be reached for comment, since he was cleaning out his office toilet with his bare hands, but a Hahvahd Co. spokesperson expressed the corporation’s deep pleasure at Professor Witzel’s efforts.

“Our name recognition has shot up 40000% since Michael made his “Hiinas” thesis. We are now ranked higher than Saddam Hussein and Pol Pot. With this new association with FOSA we hope to surpass Prof. Adolf Harvarditler and Prof. Moriarty. The new IPAC ConSlutting operation is also taking off very well. In Pakistan, we are welcomed into the innermost recesses of the Presidential Palace and Al Qaeda Headquarters, mostly since our Lat*in* scholarship was publicized – they had no skills at all before that in Lat*in* cleaning before Michael and Steve Farmer published their great works”.

Harvard continues to cover Witzel’s musharraf. What a great institution!!

Above: Missing IER Scholars returning after California State Bores of Education Meeting

Professor Witzel has kindly sent pictures from his consluting assignments with President Musharraf, who, IRF*AN is privileged to announce, is himself South Asia's Second Most Famous Historian. He is a long-time member of the Indo-Eurasian Research Forum. He posts under the pseudonym "Frank SouthasiaWorth"indicating his frankness on all matters, and his IMMENSE worth to South Asia.

The pictures here are some of the most closely guarded secrets of the Pakistani Army, being published only on YAHOO! and SOUTH ASIA TRIBUNE. The one above shows Professor Witzel closely examining a Harappan seal showing a donkey's behind (As Dr. Far*mer would say, "Rajaram would insist that it is a horse's behind, heh-heh!") The building in the background contains the Pakistan President's Official Residence, located deep inside the back of the structure made up to look like the Taj Mahal. It is one of two identical rooms, one with a sign showing a General in uniform, and the other marked "ladies". According to Professor Witzel, the Tejo Mahalaya appearance is to confuse American SLCMs, which are expected to arrive for official visits any day now.

When he was busy consluting with the Pakistani General Staff (see this link), Professor Witzel was pleased to have President and Mrs. Musharraf entertain his loyal assistants, Asst-*o-Professor Far*mer and South Asia's Most Famous His*orian. Please see a picture of President and Begum Musharraf discussing Historical Accuracy and Pico's PhD Thesis, which Dr. Far*mer edited in AD900.

“[Mod. note. No fun allowed ever on the List on weekdays, Trudi -- but maybe OK while we're recovering 3/4 brain dead from California? :^) - Cheers, Steve.]
It may not be the weekend yet, but this is fun!”

*************************************************************

IRFFAN has learned that the “CLEAN CALIFORNIA LATRINES!!!” (CCL) movement has recruited the other three Lat*in* Scholars. There is concern at IER that without these three stalwarts, the Forum is simply not what it was. As is well known, the other 396 members have not managed to get any post past the censors Professor Witzel and Assistant-to-Professor Farmer so far.

The cryptic scholarly statement “no fun allowed ever on the List on weekdays” refers to the request from Harvard University attorneys that racial slurs and latrine-cleaning video discussions, which as we know, are the hobbies of the IER Scholars, are to be discussed only on weekends when the Harvard Provost and Secretary Bersin can also join in.

An ALL-POINTY-HEADS ALERT has been posted for the three missing Scholars

Indologists at IER have taken extreme umbrage to the silly "Hindutva Tricks" of posting spurious reviews of their teaching. In a strongly worded 4719 character essay Prof. Michael Witzel thundered about his adverse rating at the impish www.ratemyprofessors.com

"One of them gave me 5 times straight "1s"–that is the worst rating. He also merely listed the course as "Sanskrit," not with its correct name. And, he added the comment "{pathetic professor."

560 characters later Prof. Witzel was pleased to announce

"Well, with nine entries today, the site looks quite different by now "

It is indeed, and IRFAN was pleased to notice today that after Prof. Witzel's monumental email, all negative comments have mysteriously been replaced with ones containing gratuitous praise. Infact there are now more student reviews than students Prof Witzel has taught in his entire career!

But Indologists' concern has only increased with these plaudits. IRFAN has reliably learned that the Indologists are vexed at the lack of accolades for their buns in the laudatory comments. What is even more preposterous is that even Assistant Professors from such lowly enterprises as Assumption College have earned wholesome praise for their buns in reviews by their students. Prof. Witzel's careful grooming of the magnificent crescent that adorns his rear is legendary. He is the Wales Chair at Harvard – we at IRFAN find it disgraceful that there is no appreciation of the anatomy that moulds it.

Though the ratings site has been called frivolous, said to uphold the spirit of toilet graffiti, and even cautioned by the authors of the site "to be taken with a grain of salt", we at IRFAN urge the mysterious students not to lose an opportunity there to compose hymns in praise of the Professors' buns too. You can see how Prof. Witzel has already come out smelling like roses. With the right input, we can sing Dead Horse (in Harappa) by Buns and Roses!

* Picture: Students in Vedic Sanskrit class meditate on the meaning of the Earthshasther, an early Aryan book on Flat Earth Theory that forms the basis for most of the Geography taught at Harvard.

President Musharraf Congratulates Professor Witzel.

Congratulations poured in from around the world for Professor Witzel and his assistant Steve Alan Farmer after their brilliant victory over the Hindutvaadins in Sacramento. Herr Fuehrer Lars commended the "samurai" Witzel and Farmer, and hyperventilated that the Hindutva would never rise again. General Musharraf described the 5-0 victory inside 1 minute of deliberations on the list of 77 edits, as "the greatest victory since my Referendum in 2003". His message said:

"Even in Gujranwala I was able to get only 98 bejent abbroval onlee, even with 1200 bejent of the registered voters voting early and often. What you have done is a small step for a Nazi, but one giant leap for the California Board of Education and all other dictators and kangaroos- I mean Chief Executives! You gave them the ballot with the vote written on it already. Brilliant!"

Professor Witzel himself had described the decision by the California Curriculum SubCommittee several hours before it was made, in a prescient email posted to his followers like us on the Indo-Eurasian Research Forum. It was titled "HINDUTVA ROUT IN CALIFORNIA" and celebrated the decision that the Committee had assured him they would take, regardless of what the Hindutvaadins said on that day.

"Zis is sehr gut! Es ist das Blitzkrieg von das Hindu Kush!" said Professor Witzel's classmate Hans Bormann, head of the ODESSA. General Musharraf agreed in his letter. "In 1948 when the Pakistani Army -er – I mean Mujaheddin – rolled into Skardu, the commander sent a message to Headquarters. It was short and sweet:

"All Hindus and Sikhs killed. All women raped and captured for further use". We have been trying to win such a victory over Hindus but THE DAMN YANKEES WON'T EVEN LET ME NUKE THEM!" I WANT THEM ALL DEA*! PLEASE KI** THEM AND *UT THEM INTO *IE*ES LIKE GOHAR AYUB KHAN PROMISED!

Well, General Musharraf, we wish you a long dictatorship – I mean Chief Executionership – and please allow the next IER team visiting Harappa to carry their own two truckloads of "Southern Comfort" with those pictures of hindu goddess serving liquor – you know, that picture was designed by a Harvard Indology and Pornography Dual Degree graduate? They used Professor Witzel's new "IPAC" conslutancy service, and Professor Thapar and Professor Shenoy posed as the models for the two whisky jugs. Also, please don't ask about the strange-smelling smoke rising from our tents. We have to be "flying" before we can see Harvard professors' faces on those Harappan seals.

Assistant Farmer was not available for comment. There is no truth to the rumors that he was exhibiting severe withdrawal symptoms at the hearing, although it is true that attendees had to go through a metal detector and there were some cute Dobermans sniffing at everyone's pants and backpacks. Stay tuned.
Credit for picture: http://members.tripod.com/phil_scarrold/drawingspix/kangaroocourt.jpg

"WE PUBLISH NO POST BEFORE WE APPROVE IT", "WE" referring to Professor Farmer or Professor Michael Witzel – two Scholars using the same half of a brain – Professor Witzel's.

In a sensational paper on this peerless peer- reviewed forum, Professor Steve A. Farmer has elucidated the evolution (ooops! we mean Creation) of Limb Transplant Technology (LTT) in the Italian Church. We can do no better than to quote the exact, original, unsurpassed words of Professor Farmer himself, in the original Lucida Grande:

" Stories of limb replacements from Greco-Roman legend. The most famous involved St.Cosmos and St. Damian, who (for the literal minded: in legend) did something far surpassing the abilities of DARPA or modern medicine: they performed a complete leg transplant. Unfortunately, the only donor they could find for their white patient was an African, with the result that the recipient ended up with one black leg and one white leg. For doubters, we have the proof from Fra Angelico, from the altar at San Marco, just a few steps from where Pico is buried with Poliziano, in the wall of the convent. Check out those legs!:"

http://www.wga.hu/art/a/angelico/altar/sanmarco/marco_p9.jpg

Steve
*******************************************************

This is truly a startling revelation. This picture had been banned by the Catholic Church, and rumor had it that this was because of an age-old misunderstanding.

The original title read:

El Hoochie Kootchie: Los Harvardinos Facultios removing los stockings of la helpless woman studenta prior to Commencement Ceremonios

This had been terribly misinterpreted by the Catholic Church. The offending painter had been used as fossil fuel in the cold winter of 1313CE, after confessing to unholy tendencies.

Professor Farmer's research proved that the above inscription was NOT a title, but merely a list of items sketched by the artist's wife as a shopping list. Professor Farmer then used his famous Fractal Font-Substition theory to uncover the real title of the painting, written in invisible ink along the lace line of the black leg to:

"Saints and Scholars work on African Leg."

The 14th century misunderstanding occurred when Fra. X.A. Farmeros XVIIW, the famous
Comparative Linguist, published his book titled "Los Pictoras con des Tabiques des Latrinos dos Conventi". Which as all of us Super-CRP Linguists know, means: "Lost Pictures from the Tabernacle in Latin Convents"

The Scholar, setting a long tradition that has been followed by the glorious Farmer lineage of Scholars,understood Latin only in translation, and hence had translated the picture's caption to:

'Dos Santos juegas janky – panky mit des piernas negras".

The California State Board of Education, known in those days as the Star Chamber of the Inquisition, with six Scholars from the Harvard Divinity School, a Trustee of Harvard, and an Episcopalian constituting the Supervisio de Combusta el Repentante Painteras (SuperCRP) , took only 13 hours to extract a full confession from the painter, signed with the only finger he had left at that point. Following that, he was of course combusted after being drawn and quartered. Some of the scholarly deliberations of the Super CRP are shown in the picture above.

The new revelation by Professor Farmer has sent tremors through the entire IndoEurasian Research community. For the first time, we have thrilling evidence that the Aryan Scholars who later conducted vivisection experiments on the inferior races in the Thousand Year Reich, traced their lineage directly to the Saints of the ancient Church, who used healthy Africans as a source of spare parts for Aryans in distress.

The term "UNFORTUNATELY" used by Professor Farmer above, IRFAN clarifies, was NOT used by Professor Farmer to refer to the African whose healthy leg was borrowed for this worthy purpose. It refers to the feeling of humiliation of the noble recipient at being seen at the next Opera and Slave-Devouring Fair at El Coliseo with unmatched leg colors.

This statement by Professor Farmer is also completely in line with the classless, casteless, raceless nature of the Church and the Scholars of the IndoEurasian Research group.

Once again, IRFAN remains awed by this revelation by Professor Farmer, of the sheer Quality of Professor Farmer and his co-Scholars. And we take this opportunity to condemn once again the evil Hindootvadis who dare to accuse these Scholars of being racists or closet Nazis. How shocking! How far from the truth!

First, in Professor Witzel's own words at IER:
"Ze Hindootvadis are trying to test me! Ihren sprechen im das Sanskrit und Ich repliert im das Sanskrit. Dumbkopfen Braminen vere showing off zeir zuperiority! To ME! An ARYAN!

Way to go, Prof. Witzel! Showed them, didn't we?

IRFAN has obtained an exact transcription from video of the event.

At 7:03:03:02 – Professor Witzel is speaking. Sounds like: "Zees natives are all ze accountanten und engineeren. Ze are not like me! Ich hab spent funf jahren im das Nepal und ich bin sie greatest expert in ze entire WELT! Ich bin ein Linguist!"

7:03:45:04 – minor disturbance in audience. A mother seen grabbing for , but missing, her brat, age circa 5, wearing uniform of Hahvahd Wunderkindergarten and DayCare Center. Brat jumps up, and yells:

"TERA FLY KHULA HAI!"

7:03:46:15: Professor Witzel: Pauses, looks straight at brat. Smiles. One can almost see the brilliant Linguistic Brain spinning at Hyperdrive, interpreting, sorting, placing, dissecting, analyzing, and coming up with the super deduction.

7:03:46:20: Pindrop silence broken by a few inexplicable giggles around the room.

7:03:47:30: "Aham Arya KULA Chakravathin Asmi!"

7:03:47:36: Pindrop silence erupts in wild cheers! People laugh out loud from joy! papers and books tossed into the air!

7:04:02:20: Audience settles down a bit. Professor Dino Eek rushes out with a "Peetambaram" (yellow turkey towel with a giant "HOLIDAY INN" printed on it) and wraps it around Prof. Witzel's waist as a mark of honor and respect for so brilliantly winning that debate with the kindergartner. Embarassed mother lifts brat by the waistband and carts him out of the hall!
********************************************

That was not all…

7:43:21:20 Professor Witzel was just finishing recounting his experiences in Nepal, and saying: "I veesh I could hab stayed in ze Katmandu for ze long zeit!"

Interruption: A hand sticks up. Professor Witzel points to the questioner.

Questioner (a 4th-grader from Cambridge Elementary):

"Hey, mister! My older brother told me to tell you:

'Jo Kaatmandoo mein gandoo
woh Leiden aur Boston mein bhi gandoo"

Pindrop silence. A few sharp intakes of breath.

7:43:30 Professor Witzel has finished parsing, dissecting, deconstructing and linguisticizing that, and understood the very origins of that Sanskrit "sloka" perfectly. It is from the Rig Veda. Composed on the shores of the Black Sea, which is not far from the Black Forest, in 1221 BCE. Calls for an appropriate response:

Professor Witzel: "Bhavitavyam bhaved eva. Aham WitzelaH Asmi".

Audience erupts again. Wild applause at this beautifully simple, lucid answer. Thoroughly defeated in debate, the stunned kindergartner is dragged out of the hall by the ear, by his irate Big Sister.

Way to go, Professor Witzel! Try to stump you with dem long, complicated Sanskrit quotations, will they? Heh-heh!

IRFAN adds:

Please don't believe reports by the Hindutva that Herr Doktor Witzel, Wails Professor of Sanskrit at Harvard University, was crushed in a debate on his area of competence by a *****drumbeat**** 23-YEAR-OLD BUSINESS STUDENT ********** AN "ACCOUNTANT"!!!!***

As urged by Professor Witzel in the post at IER, Professor Farmer has posted a new video of Dalit (meaning "Untenurable") faculty at harvard who have been appointed Permanent Latrine Officers.

IndoEurasian Research Forum, Post No. 2845
From: Steve Farmer
Date: Wed Jan 18, 2006 4:46 pm
Subject: Dalit Video — Highly Compressed Version

Dear List, 

For use by List, here is a *highly* compressed Windows Media Player
version of the Dalit/Untenurables Video.  The original was 150 Megs.
We've shrunk this one to 3.6 Kbs, which can be downloaded even from a
dialup connection. 

Obviously this much compression lowers viewing quality, but it gets the
story told. Keep the viewer small for best resolution. I'll keep this
version up at this address until Sunday or so for List use.  After
that, people can email me for a copy. 

http://www.safarmer/Dalits/Untenurables_WMV3.wmv 

Please note that we do NOT want to encourage further List discussion of
the video at this time: save it for weekends if you want to say
something about it.

Here is another picture from Dalitstan.org of Professor Witzel guiding Dalits in latrine-cleaning.

Ground Rules for challenge:
1. You cannot forge manuscripts
2. If you prove them to be idiots, you will be accused of forgery.
3. All arbitrations will be settled only by recognized Indus researchers comprising of Farmer, Witzel, Southworth and Sproat.

* $10,000 worth of knowledge from Farmer and Witzel. Bring your own mask, nose clamps and shovel.